Other than getting the wedding license, finding someone to perform the ceremony is the most vital legal element of your nuptial union. 

Arranging the ceremony site, the clergy person and the reception location should be the first order of business. Coordinating the exact date you want with all three can be very difficult if you wait too long into the planning process. 

For couples belonging to the same religious organization, finding a clergy person is relatively easy. For those not affiliated with any one denomination, or for couples with different religious backgrounds, finding someone to fill this important role for your wedding may require a more diligent search.

Before you begin, take time to examine how you and your fiancé envision the ceremony. Are there religious customs or traditions that either of you feel strongly about incorporating? What does your family expect? Do you want to exchange traditional vows, or will you write your own? 

Having a clear-cut picture of the ceremony you would like to have will help to narrow the selection of available clergy.

Most couples with different religious backgrounds prefer to have an officiant from each religion perform what is called an interfaith ceremony. Finding clergy willing to perform these types of ceremonies will take time. Plan for it. 

Most clergy will require some type of premarital counseling prior to the wedding. Counseling of this nature can be very beneficial especially when conversion or the union of different religious backgrounds is involved. ⊂

The unity ceremony can be a great way to incorporate children into the ceremony, or for the couple solely. 

If you are looking for ideas for the unity ceremony, then the most traditional symbol of unity is the candle. The bride and groom both have a candle and they light one candle together. This symbolizes the unity that they now share. There are many more ideas that you can use if candles aren’t your thing!

A popular alternative to the traditional candle ceremony is the sand ceremony. You can get sand in the colors of your wedding, or sand from different beaches, and “marry” them together. You can also put the sand in a frame to keep forever! Taking the sand a bit further, you can send the sand combination to a company, and have it made into a glass sculpture. 

Another alternative would be literally “tying the knot.” By taking two different ropes of different colors, and tying them together in a knot, you unite as a couple. 

Other alternatives include breaking bread, a unity cross, planting a unity tree, sending a wish lantern into the sky and unity wine. All of which you “marry” together in the unity ceremony. 

The last type of unity ceremony is more controversial. The fight box is quite simply a wooden box filled with a bottle of wine, or other alcohol of your choosing, and two letters, one from the groom, and one from the bride. On your first fight as a married couple, you pop the box open, and remember why you love each other. This can bring you back together to remember what love is all about. ⊂

Depending on your religion you might decide to forgo tradition and create your own wedding vows for your big day. There is no better way to begin your life together than to take the time to really let one another know how you feel.

If you do decide that you want to write your own vows then meet with the officiant to discuss what you want to do. 

Think about what is truly important for you to express during the ceremony whether it be to each other, your family and friends or just your views on marriage overall. As time progresses many couples have begun to take offense to the wording in traditional wedding vows such as the word “obey.” If you are offended by this term, then create a new phrase that reflects who you are as a couple. Perhaps “love, respect and trust” fits into your life plan much better.

When you do personalize your wedding vows, think about those things that are really important to you such as the meaning of marriage, why you are planning to spend your lives together and how you will make this arrangement work for better or for worse. Too many times nowadays couples don’t realize that marriage is supposed to be a lasting bond of togetherness through the good and the bad times. 

Many couples just don’t feel comfortable with “until death do us part” anymore. How about something traditional, but less morbid like “as long as we both shall live.”

There are many different types of weddings. From Jewish, to Catholic masses to Pagan handfasting.  It’s all a matter of choice and comfort level.  

Many couples opt for a more spiritual ceremony by simply pronouncing the importance of love without mentioning God because one or both of the people in the relationship is not necessarily religious. Additionally, non-denominational ceremonies are a good option for couples who want to create their own vows, mention God, but still be a bit more liberated than many church weddings allow. 

Second marriages can also be difficult in that religions often make it hard for couples to marry a second time.  Children are often involved as well, which means there is a need to solidify an entire family instead of two people.  It might also be a important to incorporate the children into the ceremony therefore allowing them to understand that they are an important part of the family overall.

Interfaith marriages can also be tricky in that neither religion will actually be recognized.  This might be necessary for example if the couple is Jewish and Catholic.  The most important thing to remember in a marriage involving two religions is that the similarities are often quite obvious.  Take into consideration this common ground and stress the importance of love and happiness over religious tradition.  Even choosing a place for an interfaith marriage can be tricky, so go with the most beautiful and common area that will make both families feel as comfortable as possible. ⊂